Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
