You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
