It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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