every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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