Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
