No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
