I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just pee around me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Pooping to opera.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
