I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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