Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
