he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
