By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
