I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Fuck appropriateness.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
