i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
