Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
