Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
