dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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