worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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