What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Randomize
