I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
