Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
