you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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