i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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