and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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