Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
