Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
