is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
