So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
