glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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