Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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