I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
