absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i came on her dog
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
