so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
