The maid of honor just puked.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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