I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
