Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
