How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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