I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
smell my finger.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
