That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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