This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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