Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
