Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
