I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he thought i was a dude.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
