and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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