I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
