He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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