just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
