Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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