so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
