i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
