brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
