I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
