the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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