I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
