ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
