If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Is it because I queefed?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
organizing the empties. That sober.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
